It has recently come to my attention that I am long past due for some sort of contact-style card, a business card if you will. Actually, I lie when I say it has recently come to my attention. I've known for some time I need a card of some sort.
I will spare you the long version of how I have put this off because what I really want to talk about is how I have spent the last 3 days, farting around on my computer, attempting to design this sucker myself. I have this image in my head of what it needs to look like. Blame that design background, the one I worked my way through college for, the one that I thoroughly enjoyed until I realized it wanted the same large chunk of time as that my Edie girl demanded. The one that still pops up in small ways, like, envisioning this new card of mine. That one. Throw in my ability to bluff my way out of many a situation where I really can appear to know what I'm talking about, when the reality is, I have no clue. My father used to always say, if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit. I live by that code. Well, that and don't ever let anyone tell me I can't do something because I'm a girl. Oh, and don't throw like a girl. Which took me probably 35 years and watching my own daughter do it to understand what he meant with that last one.
In talking with various marketing and graphic folks, I heard over and over that I could design this myself. I bought into my own hype. I allowed myself to be baffled by my own bullshit. Hell, my own husband couldn't quite understand that I had this idea in my head and I was trying my best to not just get it out onto the computer screen, I was trying to figure out HOW to make it happen on my computer screen.
It seems my photoshop skills are not quite what everyone else seems to think they are. I'm good at many things, but not at photoshop.
The whole card design involves the image of a mason jar. As I just so happen to have some lying around, I thought I could take a photo of one, photoshop it and turn it into what I envisioned. I took a shot and after two days of playing with it, was able to get it somewhere near where I wanted it, although in no way shape or form could I tell you how I got it that way. But then I realized the tiniest detail was off and since I have that design background, I realized I needed to take some more photos and start over. And then I was worried that it was going to take me another two days to get it where the last one was, the one with a line that was slightly off that probably no one but me would notice, the one that I had no freaking clue how I got it to look like it ultimately did, but it would keep me up at night knowing I had put my name on something that was slightly off. Bad design at my own hands combined with incompetence. These are the things that I lose sleep over.
So I snapped this shot today. Uploaded it. As I opened it up in photoshop, Adam Ant's Ant Music just so happened to play on the station I was streaming.
You might not know this about me, but I freaking LOVE Adam Ant. I'm a total child of the 80's and Adam Ant is one of the most unappreciated artists of that era. Ant Music should have been an anthem. It's one of my anthems.
So, I'm sitting there, opening this photo, singing along to Ant Music, which was followed by one of my favorite B-52's songs, Legal Tender. By the time they were done, I was done. The image I had in my head was on my computer screen. Never underestimate the power of good tunes to get the job done. I don't know if I actually learned something over the last 3 days or it was the music. Talk about singing a happy little working song. Whatever it was, it happened.
I suppose after all that, I should show you the image. But on it's own, it's rather blah. So you're not going to see it yet. I've now fallen into the font rabbit hole, whereby I spend way too much time playing with fonts, choosing just the right one. It's far less frustrating than where I just was, dealing with the realization that I don't have the skills everyone thinks I have, which it turns out, I just might have actually. Maybe I should believe the hype. No, the font rabbit hole is far more comforting on many levels, mostly in that I know I know what I'm doing there. The bigger debate that I've been avoiding for way too long is now in front of me - and that is, exactly what to say about myself other than my name and contact information. I do so many things, I could cover a business card with words. How to narrow it down to make it be the sleek thing I imagine? And in that narrowing, how to make it eloquent? Because while "Goddess of the Universe" sums it up, it might come across as just a slightly bit pretentious and I've heard I should tailor it to what I actually do. Which is sort of everything, although I keep being told I should focus. But with opportunities popping up in every avenue, it doesn't make sense to focus like all the advice I've given tells me. The universe says otherwise and ultimately, it's the universe I listen to.
It was so much easier two days ago when I could just blame it all on the fact that I couldn't figure out how to do what I wanted to do on the stupid computer.